Our New Hair
Zander and I got hair cuts. this is very first hair cut ever!! The first picture of him and my hair dresser. Gotta love how I’m show casing my messy house but whatever lol. 
Zander and I got hair cuts. this is very first hair cut ever!! The first picture of him and my hair dresser. Gotta love how I’m show casing my messy house but whatever lol.
Zander being super cute before his very first hair cut! He’s so sweet even when his face is kinda dirty.
Me: What do you want for supper?
Justin: No.
Me: I’m making ribs and rice and veggies okay?
Justin: No.
Me: Supper is ready.
Justin: No.
Me: Did you want me to get you a plate.
Justin: No.
Me: Omfg!! Take off your fucking troll suit!!!
Justin: LOLOL… Okay >:D
**This is what I live with everyday lol**
Alright so a few days ago, Justin gave me 550 dollars to go buy myself whatever I wanted! What an awesome boyfriend! On the first day I bought myself some new makeup and 3 purses. Then I decided that I would buy 3 outfits to match my 3 new purses and lets say I prevailed in some awesome purchases!! I also got my nails done too! Which I don’t have to pay for because I have like $400 dollars of nail gift certificates. :) Not to mention I’m getting my hair done on Tuesday for Mother’s Day!!
The things we do when Zander doesn’t want to sleep… LOL.
Well I have been busy lately. I am now in school for makeup artistry and couldn’t be more excited to start. I’ve also been somewhat photogenic lately. lol I’m quite happy and can’t wait for spring! The snow is just melting here in Canada! Zander’s 1st birthday is actually next month!
As per usual I take forever in between posts but this time I have good reason. Well 2 weeks ago at 8 weeks into my second pregnancy I missed carried. It was devastating at first but the doctors took 5 days before they confirmed it as an actual miscarriage. By that time I already knew so it was no big surprise. It’s very sad for us because we were both very excited to welcome a new little one. We have been given permission to try again in 2-3 months. Which we definitely will. I bought a angel charm for my pandora bracelet to represent the little one lost. It’s hard thing even though I was so early in the pregnancy but I did sort of get a goodbye before it happened I did get to see the heartbeat which makes it a lot easier to accept. I will never forgot my little angel that I never got to meet but did love so much. <3 One thing that was completely magical and heart touching was that even Zander seemed to feel the sadness. The entire day all he did was cuddle me and spend time with me. It made me be able to handle it a lot better. Love my little guy so much.
I have not posted in quite a while because I’ve been pretty sick. Well, I have tried every kind of birth control and kept getting super duper sick because of it. My doctor finally came to the conclusion that I’m allergic to the artificial hormones in birth control causing my body to react like it did. It was horrible. She pretty much told me if I didn’t get an IUD then the last thing for me would be to get my tubes clamped. Both of these have many complications and are not worth the risk.
We ended up deciding that we wanted our kids close together in age and if it happened it happened. Funnily enough, it happened within 2 weeks of us deciding this. I have not talked to doctor yet and will be calling tomorrow. I am 2-3 weeks pregnant as the pregnancy test reads. We are actually really excited and happy! We have told all our parents and will soon tell all our friends. Everyone else is sharing our excitement! I just thought I’d share the news with all of you! Some more exciting stuff is that Zander turns 1 in 3 months!! So excited to give him the best birthday party a 1yearold could dream of. :D
I’ve been M.I.A as of lately and I apologize for that. It’s been a very busy start to the New Year and I’ve been trying to come up with something meaningful to post. I was listening to music that I used to listen to when I was 13 and I realized how much my taste had changed. But just in general how much my life had changed and if I could go back and tell myself it was going to be okay. I would.
When I was 13, I was incredibly depressed. My step dad was a victim of alcoholism. My brother was always running off and my other brother was not to be heard of because he himself fell into alcoholism. I remember crying myself to sleep so many nights. I was bullied at school and picked on. I was called fat, stupid, ugly… I’ve been told to kill myself countless times. I had never told my mom… Although there was times I had fought not to go to school because I just didn’t want to live another day at that hell hole but at the time home was no better. It seemed at that time in my life, as ridiculous as it sounds you know that spiral? I was going down it fast. I couldn’t trust any of my “friends” they were there just to throw insults behind my back. I know this now.
As I got older I built a shell. I told myself I wouldn’t let it hurt me. I had iron skin but iron is only so strong and it still hurt. It still got to me. I refused to eat at times and by grad 12 I dieted any fat I had away. I’m 5”5 and I weighed 120lbs. That’s only 20 pounds more than my 12 year old sister. Then the insults changed. From fat, to slut. I had thought being thin was the gateway to being free from the insults it wasn’t. As you already know I began drinking because it destroyed any pain I had momentarily for a night. When I got pregnant my iron skin shattered and I was raw. I knew that this was just to be a bran new thing for people to say about me.
However, now reflecting on it. I think about it and I wish I could go back and tell myself that everything would be okay. I know that I have gained something more special and I know that I am irreplaceable and so important to the one person that matters most in my life. I know that my son is better than anything that they have or ever will have and even being raw and shredded and insecure. I still have more strength in me than all of them put together. For that fact, that I pulled through one of the darkest times in my life and came out on top. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me for me and a beautiful baby boy. I am luckier than any lotto winner and any person on the planet. Because meeting my boyfriend is the best lotto of all because we got the greatest prize.
